Notes from a desert trapped naiad

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The Jordanian air seems to have sucked not only the moisture out of my skin but also the words out of my mind. It is not that I believe that there are not words for this place and my experiences here; it is that I have found that my words are irrelevant. I stand isolated here- isolated by my blond curls, my pale skin, blue eyes, determined walk, the way I do not look at the ground while I walk, and most of all I am isolated by people's stares that hold me at arms length at least. Surrounded by this city of beige, the people I left behind seem to fade like the vivid greenness of spring or, perhaps, it is I that is fading like a star at fading into the light of dawn- my light quietly eclipsed by the closer, brighter, more visceral presence of the sun.
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I have begun to miss the anonymity of commonality. Where the non-difference between me and others causes a simple indifference.
It wears on me- having to wear people’s eyes as my veil. I feel no inclination to don my feelings of irrelevancy and hide my face with a chador or hijab. No, I just straighten my back, lift my chin, and look ahead with a small smile on my lips. Like a true Vinci girl I keep my secret amusement to myself and bare the constant stares until I return home exhausted.
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Now, for more concrete information about my life in Jordan. I have been taken on as a TA by an English professor at the University of Jordan. This happened because after the refugee organization that we were going to work for found out that we were of a particular religion they no longer wanted us to volunteer for them. After much gnashing of the teeth, our amazing director pulled together new projects for those who had been planning on working with the refugees. I was able to get the TA position, which I am very happy about. I go to his class, which is about literature and film and give the western view of the film. I also tutor students who wish to improve their English, whether spoken or written. I'm a bit worried that I misrepresent the western view of things, but I try my best. I've enjoyed my chats with the students and have already had lunch at one of the girl’s houses and have been invited to dinner at another's house. However, my days at the university are shorter and I do not believe I will be allowed to go to dinner at L's. This is due the political unrest in Gaza and Lebanon, which is causing tensions even here in peaceful Jordan. It is not that the fighting will reach here. It is that anti-American sentiments are high and we are obviously American. We cannot hide that fact no matter how hard we try. Most of the protests in Amman happened either at the major mosques (luckily we don't live close by to those) or at the university, where I work. It is not that I'm afraid something will happen to me, but the possibility exists and I must be aware of what is going on at all times, which is difficult since my Arabic language skills are minimal.
On a happier note, we went to the Dead Sea after church on Friday (yes, church is on Friday). The sea was amazing. Due to the high content of salt, you float in the sea without any effort on your part. We also covered ourselves in the mud, which supposedly has great cosmetic properties. We spent the night at the sea and the next day we visited Jesus' baptismal site in the Jordan River and Mt. Nebo. After seeing the landscape and feeling the heat of the desert, I understand how difficult it must have been for the tribes of Israel to wander through this desert for 40 years. I would have murmured too. Those are my thoughts for a moment. I now need to go find a liter of bottle water to replace the amount of water that the desert air has stolen from my skin since I started this post. At least I managed to write some of my words before they too were taken from me by this desert's greedy air.