don't push the panic button please

I had a panic moment today when I thought I had forgotten to buy my plane ticket for Chicago. For the life of me, I could not remember buying it, and forgetting to buy a ticket is just the kind of absent minded thing I would do. In order to calm myself, I promptly got on the computer and logged onto my email to check my confirmation but, to my horror, I could not find my itinerary any where. I checked all of my email accounts (about six of them), but none of them had my confirmation. I had managed to set up three meetings and two lunch dates, schedule time to hang out with two friends, buy tickets for one play and an architectural tour of Chicago, but hadn't managed to buy a ticket to get there. Luckily, this is not the case. I was signed into my account with the airline when I bought it so I finally found my confirmation by accessing it from their website, but for a few minutes I really panicked thinking that I had forgotten to buy my ticket. I'm not that big of an idiot (this time at least).

prepositional males

I have come to the conclusion that boys are like prepositions. Here is why:

1. they are confusing--really, really confusing
2. more than one could work, but one is the best
3. they are nigh impossible to figure out or master in any damn language
4. you think you can live without them, but it just doesn't work
5. they seem frivolous but nothing really works without them

okay, okay I'll write more

So, I've been told by my illustrious brother that I need to write more often. However, that is difficult when there isn't much to write about. While everyone else in my family is actually out in the real world, I'm stuck here in Provo. I was so bored last week that I went and dyed my hair in order to relieve the boredom.

The funny thing is, that if I was actually going to all my classes, doing all my reading, and completing more than half of my Latin homework, I wouldn't be as bored, but motivation seems to be scarce nowadays. In a good week, I go to about 50% of my Latin class. Actually, I was going to take my Latin test today, but then I lost track of time and missed testing center hours. Yeah, I'm an stultus (huh can I make that a feminine ending?) I'm a stulta. Luckily for me, Latin isn't proving to be overly difficult compared to Greek.

While I miss Latin often, I don't miss Greek, for anything. I love reading the Iliad, it's fantastic, seriously, it's what gets me up in the morning. My poetry class is also quite fun though frustrating at times when I disagree with the teacher about the necessity of narrative within poems. My other classes range from elementary to outright boring.

What's keeping me going is knowing that I get to go to Chicago in less than two weeks. I'm so excited to bask in the non-utahness that I can hardly contain myself. But, for now, I need to study some Latin declension.

possible insanities to realize

I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm insane and that it is not going to go away; actually, it will most likely get worse. I've also realized that I'm most likely never going to be able to sustain a normal, healthy relationship with a guy, and since I'm not attracted to women this means I will most likely be single forever. It's that or being in an unhealthy relationship, but I would rather not commit myself to that kind of relationship since that would only drive me more insane. So, I'm currently envisioning futures for the slightly insane single intellectual woman that I plan on being. These are my ideas so far:

1. Become that awesome professor that is awesome because they are insane. I will make connections no one else can and write papers no one else can understand.

2. Move to a Greek island and write amazing phantasmagoric epics while achieving a perfect tan, learning modern greek, reading ancient greek, and learning how to sail so I can go and speak with my cousin nereids and my other more fishy friends.

3. Live on a street corner in Paris making fun of the french language and making my living by doing caricatures in my most abstract style, telling people that I am painting their auras.

4. Live in a quaint cottage on the edge of the woods just outside a little town with about 23 cats to keep me company. I'd spend my days drawing, painting, writing, talking to inanimate objects, gardening, and cooking. I would also dole out amazing advice to the pilgrims that make the trek out to my remote abode for that purpose.

This is an awfully difficult decision. Which would you do? and which should I do?

(if you question whether or not I'm really insane, 1) you don't know me really well and 2) go read my post why i fear the night to get a glimpse of my mind)

random questions

-Can anyone explain my weird addiction to French music, considering my aversion to that language?

-Why on earth do I like dead flowers? Not that I don't like them alive as well, but I just love the look of drooping dry flowers. While we are asking questions, what is the probability of two girls in the same apartment (out of the three that live there) having the same strange and morbid appreciation for vases of dying and dead flowers?

-Why is it that people either think I'm a flaming/radical/tree-hugging/democratic/loose/anti-culture wench, or a goody-goody/follow-the-rules/easily-offended/molly-mormon/conservative hag? oh wait, that's right, I'm in Provo. So, any who associate with me here (to any degree of intimacy beyond the 'I sit next to you in class') think of me as the former and those who I associate with outside of Provo, upon hearing that I'm at BYU, assume I'm the later. Not that I'm not a confusing and confused mix of the above, I would just like my contradictory/mind-boggling personality recognized.

-Why, no matter how many times I write them, can I never spell 'restaurant' or 'foreign' correctly?

-Why are all my recent artist crushes female? My music has been mostly Mirah, Emiliana, and Camille lately and my favorite poets of the moment are Sappho (I'm trying to read at least 3 fragments in Greek a week ('cause I have time)), Sylvia Plath (I never tire of her), H.D., and Atwood. To be fair though, I have listened to a fair amount of Sufjan, Dylan, and Microphones, but I'm not nearly as enamored with them. The same goes from the male poets in my life.

-Why am I now an idiot in math? and on a related topic, why the hell haven't I studied for the GRE? I can't believe I'm taking it on Sunday.

-Why did I only go to approximately 60% of my classes this week? Oh yeah, I have better, more productive things to do with my time.

-Why can't I be attracted to nice mormon boys, especially nice BYU mormon boys? Why am I even asking that question?

I'm now done. Here is a really funny picture taken at Ephesus this summer. I thought I would post something to reward those who actually read through all my stupid questions. For those of you who skipped to the picture, shame on you.

ruined fragments of past civilizations

People have been asking to see more pictures, so here are some pictures of ruins that I saw this summer.

Troy:




Alexander Troas:



View of Lesbos from Assos (hey stop giggling):


Pergamum:




Ephesus:





Hierapolis:



Afrodisias:



Priene:


Miletus:


Olympos:


Amman:


Madaba:


Petra:








I really want to go back, but it doesn't look probable in the next few years.