I'm a big kid now

I’m so sick of being sick. I seem to continually walk the line between being sick and just not feeling well. This persistent cough hurts and I really can’t afford to fall further behind, especially in Arabic. However, the doctor has put me on enough drugs to ensure that I will not be able to walk straight of the next 3-4 days. This does not bode well for my grades this semester.

I guess it is necessary to step back and make certain that my body is recovering, instead of constantly working on the edge of my physical capabilities. However, I have found it difficult to stay in bed and not be doing some kind of academic work. I have never had this problem before. I was once able to stay in bed all day and do nothing; there were days when I would pretend to be sick just so I could stay home to finish the book I was reading or to finish a drawing I was working on. One time I faked being sick because I had an inexplicable desire to learn how to play ‘Moonlight Sonata’ on the piano (it’s still the only song I know on the piano).

However, those days are gone and now I find myself jumping up every ten minutes or so to go look up a due date or to check if the conjugations that I was doing in my head were correct. All I can think of is how I am just falling more and more behind than I already was. I actually considered not taking the medication given to me until Wednesday so that I could study and take my Arabic midterm and finish up a paper I was working on. My mom and Skylark finally convinced me that I was being an idiot and so I’m sitting here at home fretting about all the work I have to do. I wonder when I grew up and became an adult, who is incapable of relaxing and enjoying the moment (however brief) of freedom from academia. I don’t think that the stress is helping the recovery process. I just want to yell at my body, “GET BETTER! DAMN IT!,” and I just did. I think my Thai roommates are a bit frightened now. I better go explain.